rant rant rant, bitch bitch bitch

I’m tired of being cooped up in this house. I’m tired of feeling alone. I know you’re here all of the time, but it still feels lonely. I feel alone, like there is so much I want to share with you, but I can’t because it doesn’t feel like you have time.

I need help. Only a single night out. You said we’d do something to make up for our one year anniversary, nothing happened. We didn’t even do ANYTHING for Valentines Day. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough. You spent your paycheck on marijuana… tell me how that benefits a holiday for couples? Oh wait, it doesn’t. 

This is why I feel so alone. I can’t participate in your extra activity of smoking weed. I don’t get even talked to when Brady is over. I get pretty much ignored. My friends don’t come around. You’re currently on the phone with your dad… I miss having the warm company of you. and my friends.

We talked about marriage, but I have seen no ring or even a promise, nor a promise ring. It hurts and makes me feel like you’re unsure if you want to spend your life with me, like you don’t know if you’re going to want me forever like you tell me you do. I just want US to be like we used to be. But that can’t happen can it?

I remember the first day we spent together after a long month of you being away at work. I was so nervous when you walked in. I miss the happiness we shared. I feel like you don’t share enough with me. Your thoughts and feelings. You said that there are things on your mind that you don’t want me to worry about, but I am worried. We are a team now, partners, and lovers. But if yoiu don’t think you can share those thoughts with me, then I don’t know if we will work.

You know, I didn’t get anything from you for valentines nor our one year anniversary…I didn’t even get anything from my mother. 

Our relationship has been so distanced… I miss you… the real you that I fell in love with. Those things you said to me on the phone and on facebook, where is that man? Where did he go?

It really pisses me off and upsets me when I see kids at age 12-16 getting away with shit that I got my ass beat for or would have gotten my ass beat for. The way that they talk to their parents, sex(which I guess is fine WITH protection, though I don’t recommend it.), etc. You don’t want to end up being fifteen and pregnant or with a child. Its a massive responsibility and they don’t realize this. And the way they talk to their parents is unacceptable. You don’t need to be your child’s friend. You need to step up and be their parent. Tell them what they can and can’t do, what is acceptable and not okay. And the language that is being used is massively having a great deal of affect on how they act in the future as well. Our generation. Is in the shit hole because some parents are push covers and they want to be their child’s friend. Wow…. rant done.

Do you know what it feels like to be so sex deprived it pisses you off.? Well its rant time, you bitch about how you dont get any when youre the one who wont touch me. I havent gotten mine in eleven months and i do what i can for you. its not my fault you wont even attempt. So dont talk like you wont even try. Shit man, i cant even explain or express how frustrated it makes me.

Plans for valentines day: SQUAT, NOTHING. Just like our one year anniversary. I can’t stand the fact that we don’t even celebrate events in our relationship that mean so much, to me at least. It just makes it feel like you don’t really care. Even though I know you do. Even if it is just a dinner together at home. I hate that we don’t have any celebrations for our special occasions. :(

Its been way too long since I have felt your skin against mine. Since you’ve looked me in the eyes and really meant what you said. Its been so long since you have touched me so affectionately that it raises bumps all over and gives me chills that send a mass amount of butterflies through me. You don’t look at me the same. You don’t even touch me anymore, at all. Its like you’re afraid, or am I just as repulsive as I think? I take care of you, I did take care of you when I wasn’t able to do what we usually would. But I’m better now and you still won’t touch me at all. It makes me sick really. Just my being makes me sick, do I look it? Its possible. I don’t feel attractive to you. That’s all I want right now… for you to want me as much as I want you, for you to look at me the way you did before I got pregnant. I know my body isn’t the same, and I’m sorry about that. I just want this one thing. That’s all. I know there’s a high risk of having another little one, but protection is sold down the street. I feel like you just don’t want me that way anymore. I try so hard to catch your eye, but what am I doing wrong exactly? What changed? Is it me? What changed your mind? We used to have our time multiple times a day, even just once. Now, nothing. Hardly kissing me daily. It hurts. But what can I do?:/

It sucks that you ha e to be like them. When your friend(s) are around and you completely take off away from me when we are spending time together with our child. Do you know how that makes me feel? When I am the one who spends more close time with OUR child, even my mom does. You know, its time to grow up. Because I am just about close to go with mom to Indiana. With Emalee. You need to tell your friends what is the obvious, that our child comes first. Do I matter when your friends are around? It doesn’t seem like it. Only does when you’re drunk or drinking. I get up with her every night, every time she cries and whines. Fix your shit!! Because I am so beyond fed up.